Wednesday, 25 March 2009

A Hairy Situation

So has anyone ever had laser hair removal? If you are squeamish, do not read this post. I went on Saturday to have my underarms and legs done. I can't believe I'm writing about this in my blog, but someone gave me feedback that I have to just be me and this is something I have to get off my chest. No, I don't have hair there, thank God.

Anyway, my friend who referred me to the clinic said, no it hardly hurts at all. It feels like a little prick. Fine. I went trotting in early Saturday morning. First the underarms. My tormentor drew on me like a side of beef with a big red lipstick pencil so she could remember the area and commented that I didn't have much hair there so it should only take five minutes. Great. I settled in with a magazine, arm above my head, goggles on, and she readied the laser gun. This gun looks like a white plastic toy on a cord. She holds the end of the gun, a one inch square on your skin and beeps it. A laser light flashes and kills the hair. One needs approximately six of these sessions to kill all the hair because hair grows at different rates. Blah, blah, blah, beep, beep, beep. It didn't hurt at first and then suddenly the dagger shot through me.

Beep! Ow!

BEEP! Yeowch!


In my head I yelled "MOTHER F**KER!!!!" I jumped up and grabbed my armpit back.
"What's wrong?" she asked all innocently.
"You're murdering me." And she'd only just started.
"Oh, you must have a pain threshold."
"I don't know if I can do this."
"You have to, so lie down."
"Please just let me pay and leave."
"No. Lie down and do as you’re told."

I couldn't believe it. She shocked my into submission. Every third beep, she had to stop and give me time to recover. Tears formed at the corners of my eyes.

She kept trying to talk me into having my bikini area done. It's not as painful. Yeah right. She told me all about her bikini area for the next fifteen minutes as I passed in and out of consciousness. The smell of burning hair wafted up from my armpit every few minutes. When finally the armpits were over I almost jumped off the table, but oh no, the legs were next and they are so much bigger! AAAHHHHH!!! Again, she marked me into sections with the lipstick pencil, like a side of beef.

"You know, just like they do for cosmetic surgery," she said. No, thank you I don't know. I haven’t had any cosmetic surgery. More like just like they do at the butchers before the slaughter.

I can happily report that the legs were nothing in comparison to the armpits. So if you are keen on doing something, do the legs or you know what, just wax. I don't think I'll be signing up for those other five appointments anytime soon.

p.s. - you're not allowed to take a bath after treatment with the laser for at least 48 hours. Where she bought that lipstick pencil, I have no idea. Usually if I ever wear it on my lips, it rubs off after 10 minutes. This pencil is still marking my legs. I tried to smear as much of the butcher lines off as possible and hope my dark tights covered the rest when I went into work on Monday.


Carolyn (Harbor Hon) said...

I don't blame you for what you said! I hurt for you just reading the description. OMG! And she wanted to do the bikini area? Just say NO! I think I just passed out for a moment thinking about the pain. I also think I would have HAD to put an ice pack on my underarms. What a tramatic experience. xxoo

angeljoy said...

I think I'll shave the rest of my born days.

MADART said...

I needed a good laugh :) :) I'm sorry it's at your expense, but that was a great narration! I felt like I was there with you, LOL!!

I have a low pain threshold, so I will definitely keep this in mind!

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

That is hysterical! I mean....eeerrr...I am so sorry but LOL!

Now I will stick to shaving.